“How do I love thee, Megan Fox? Let me count the ways. Car-sponging, barely legal pinup; dutiful housewife to a staggeringly mediocre, craggy husband; and lately, bisexual, Facetuned Taurus Insta baddie. In sum: poster child of the timeless, shapeshifting powers of woman in a timelessly gross world. 'I'm not killing people,' goes her character's most celebrated line in Diablo Kody's sleeper cult hit. 'I'm killing boys'. Hell yeah you are.”

“They were the best years of our lives. They called them the swinging sixties. The Beatles and the Rolling Stones were rulers of pop music, Carnaby Street ruled the fashion world... and me and my brother ruled London. We were fucking untouchable.”

"School of Rock promised a Coleridgian Xanadu to its Gen Z audience: a mid-aughts utopia of gender equality, body positivity, and the shimmering oasis of a viable career in the creative sector. These prospects may have dimmed in intervening decades, but the sincerity and conviction of Jack Black's missive shine through. 'I'm not a Satanic sex god anymore,' says his character's brother, music teacher Ned Schneebly. 'I'm a working stiff, and that's cool.' The unbridled 'stick it to the man' energy of School of Rock reminds us that ‘wannabe corporate sellouts’ are, in fact, not cool, and that now more than ever is time to 'stick it to the man'; a time when the housing bubble reminds us that ‘the legend of the rent is way hardcore.’

Did Lashana Lynch in 007 ignore a bunch of sad fat Etonians to preserve the world from the wreckage of 007’s emotional biohazard? I don’t think so; and equally, I will not be held liable to moderating the emotional constipation of the latest meta-Hollywood wankpiece about white jihad.

“Certain art forms are built to flaunt suffering. They tend to come out of a certain cultural context, too- the English churned out plenty of saucy plays and satirical operas, the Americans had their pre-code screwball comedies, but they left serious exhibitions of swooning misery to the Continent, who honed it through possibly the most sadistic form of beauty out there: ballet.”

"Ï sjënd dë mætbals ïnto späcë," tweeted the 'Swëdish Eløn Müsk' parody account in 2018. "Ï døn’t pjay de täxes." It's hard to explain, but somehow 'Playmobil arthouse' director Robert Eggers' A-list edgelord take on the tale of Hamlet- muddled up with a hefty slug of Norse mythology and noughties sexploitation- has achieved a similar aesthetic effect."

"In this Easter season, people are quick to forget that perhaps the supreme expression of the Holy Spirit- Bach's St Matthew Passion- was created by a fanatical German who ran a musical sweatshop, where he beat his family so savagely that ink remains splattered over the pages of his canon over two centuries later.
The Audition- a potboiler about a repressed violin teacher in a Berlin conservatory- is thus a homecoming of sorts."